I recently took a quiz on Facebook—a quiz that measured the level of my “rudeness.”  My result came out as “0%” rude.  I know the quizzes should not be taken seriously, but this result spurred deep thought.

I believe that no matter how hard one tries to be “perpetually polite” that no one can truly be “0%” rude.  We all have bad days, tired days—days when we are not on our best behavior.  This result reminded me of times when I have been told I am “too nice.”  In the moment, I took the comment as a compliment even though I know the intention of the speaker was to criticize.

I understand the criticism.  Sometimes being “too nice” gets me into trouble.

My “too nice” could (and has) led to:

• Being taken advantage of
• Being lied to (repeatedly)
• Missed opportunities
• Waiting longer for something I really want
• Hurt feelings
• Lost friendships

However, my “too nice” (and its fallout) has also led to:

• Learning to read people better
• Creating new and different opportunities I would have never considered
• Developing a strong level of patience
• Strengthening my resiliency
• Strong friendships

Learning to Read People

I have been taken advantage of more times than I would like to admit.  I have had friends that have lied to me to garner sympathy.  I have had co-workers who have used my ideas to impress our mutual boss.  Over the years I have learned to recognize signs of those who might take advantage.  As my best friend would say—I have a well-developed “craydar.”  (Thanks Molly!)  Craydar is the ability to recognize the signs that someone will make crazy in your life.  Gaydar not so well developed, but my craydar is usually spot on.

Creating New and Different Opportunities

I am a firm believer that people come into our lives for a reason.  Some people enhance our lives and some people teach us hard lessons.  There have been times in my life where I have left a situation because I have felt used or taken advantage of.  Sometimes I have left a job—sometimes I have left a relationship. As I reflect on many of these decisions they were so difficult (even painful) at the time, but I have always come out the other side in a better position.  The pain of the situation was the push I needed to go to the next place.

Developing Patience

If you are going to be “0%” rude (or close to it) you are going to have to be patient.  You patiently wait while others speak.  You patiently wait in line without getting frustrated.  You patiently wait for the right opportunity to ask for a promotion, a first date, or a favor.  The more you practice patience the easier it comes.  Even I get tired of the wait sometimes—I just don’t express it as verbally, or as publicly, as others.

Resiliency

My resiliency comes from a combination of the above.  First, being able to read and anticipate people allows me to take precautions that will mitigate the potential damage.  For example, I can carefully choose what I share about my personal life or choose to not get too emotionally invested in a story that may turn out to be untrue.  Second, shifting my thinking or my circumstances and navigating change successfully is a skill I continue to work on.  Understanding the messiness of change will ultimately lead me to be in a better position makes moving on a little easier each time.  Finally, patience allows me to slow down, reflect, make well-thought out decisions, and maintain relationships.

Strong Friendships

Strong friendships are an outcome of years of experience with a variety of people.  I have been able to prune the friendships that were not healthy.  What is left are close, trusting, deeply rewarding friendships.  Friends who would never lie to me or take advantage of me.  Friends who value me—niceness and all.

I value politeness. I value the feelings of others. I value relationships.  Being “nice” has its challenges, but it also has tremendous rewards.